i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
please don't ironically join a cult
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