Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Everything about him screamed your future.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
