I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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