Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
