I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
There r osticjed everywhere
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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