he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
