i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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