You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
