Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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