every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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