tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
