I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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