he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
