i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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