her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
