Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
