ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
ugly people sure do ruin things
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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