You kept calling me your small dog last night.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
