Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
