New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
