Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
