if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
