Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
