At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
