people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Randomize
