Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
His hands were made for my vagina.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
