i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Randomize
