The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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