So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
