wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
