She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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