I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
