I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
