I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
