guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
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