my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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