dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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