I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
