You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Even my vagina gasped.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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