that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
