god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
