So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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