Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
