I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
