Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
