Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
