Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I checked into jail on foursquare
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
