Don't make out with my wife yet
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
