this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
