Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
