I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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