I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
