Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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