it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
