just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
