like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
