I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
