Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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